growing up...

was what we wish for when we are younger

but now...is not really what I wish for.

いちばんいともだち、

remember back then, we were looking at our parents, older sisters, older friends, we used to always wish that we can be like them...grown up. We wished for ultimate freedom as an adult; doing things we want without parental guidance, buying things without asking permission, no more uniforms in school, no more waking up early morning for "damn" school, able to dress up "fashionably" (this might apply to certain people only-me :P).

Now, I do not consider myself 100% adult yet. I do not consider myself fully mature, yet. But I know, I am growing up. Every single day is a growing up process for me. Well, my wish finally come true, I have the ultimate freedom as an adult, no more 100% parental guidance. But, I do not feel as happy as I used to be, as a kid.

Ultimate freedom means more responsibilities as a daughter, a sister, a good friend, a graduating student, a job seeker, a bill payer, a tax payer, a money spender, a stress victim, an internet slave, sometimes, fashion slave. To add some spices on these responsibilties, the direct and indirect effects from people around you. Emotions from others; negative, super negative, positive, over positive emotions all these will make a twist in you. One more responsibilty to be added: self-defence-er; defending yourself from all the shocking or harsh reality; homosexuality, rejections, fakers, selfish-ers.

Looks like I am indirectly telling people to stop growing up, huh? Well, if you have the option to stay in a kid's world forever, do that! But, before deciding to stay in that level of innocence, ask yourself, what is your responsibilities to yourself and others.

We can never escape from growing up.

But, what we can do is appreciate all the memories we had and no turning back!